he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you.
Bad choice
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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