you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
