Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
