i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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