If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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