people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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