Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize