You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
