My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
