Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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