yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
