Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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