You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
