She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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