Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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