Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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