Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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