this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
