I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.