You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch