I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We have so much sex to catch up on
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.