If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together