...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.