You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just invented taco cereal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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