it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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