I will die if light touches me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
