So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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