she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!