I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking