maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.