Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!