I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?