my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.