I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.