Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?