I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
