This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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