Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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