Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize