I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Panties = found
Randomize
