one two three fourrrrnication!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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