I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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