We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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