I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
