Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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