Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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