he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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