PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.