I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?