i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.