we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.