Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.