Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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