I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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