They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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