Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize