ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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