separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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