Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
