The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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