I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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