i already hear my dad disowning me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
