5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
