I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
