I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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